To have an A, or not to have an A? To be, or not to be? They’re similar questions

blog.penelope something wrote a fairly enlightening article.

Generally, she regrets being studious – your marks are not what bring you the ultimate payoff for your work.

And that got me thinking about my outrageous mission to bring my average in school from a 69% to a 90%. Impressive, right? Trying to do is was sucking the life out of me, though. I literally can’t relax until everything that is ‘a priority’ is done, off my mind, out of the house, into the bin, flushed in the loo – anywhere but on my desk.

I thought I had all the right reasons – good marks = good college = good education = good job = good life.

While I do believe that it’s really important to have a life and spend time with friends – I know that I’m happier doing so when I have my pockets stuffed with some accomplishments. I like to put my best effort into all the work that I do – it’s my way of contributing to this planet. And nothing in the world, I can tell you with absolute conviction, feels better than knowing you’re contributing. When you’re contributing, it means you’re worth something. The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of worthlessness, and the best way to get that feeling is to be worthless and not contribute. It doesn’t matter if it’s for school or for my grandparent’s uncle, ‘You reap what you sow’. You sow what you want to reap. I sow what I’d like to reap. Sow I work hard. Ah ha ha…Sowry for that awful pun. Want to read a story about it? Go on. Everyone can use a little bedtime sowy. Holy shit, puns are coming out of me like diareah. And, as we’re speaking of shit…I feel like that whole concept is so unoriginal and preachy. I’m behacing like your coorporate junkie father right now, and I apologize. That was not my place.

If any of that was at all enlightening, tell me and I’ll feel better. And if any of that was downright obvious, tell me and I’ll be better.

Back on topic. I can acreddit lots of this thinking to the likes of Earl Nightengale, Zig Ziglar, all the bits about work ethic to Chris Rock and Conan O’brien.

I did bring up my marks. I average about 87-90%. I do spent hours at home in bed getting cozy with those raunchy, ratty ‘Published: 1980′ Nelson textbooks, and I do occassionally take baths if I make it that far down my ‘Priorities’ list. Sometimes, but only if I’m feeling daring, I might excersize. And if things are really out of hand, I call up me ol’ folks and do some baking. Watching T.V. makes me uncomfortable. Playing videogames is about as relaxing as sitting on a pincushion. God help me. But I feel better now than I ever did last year, when the reverse was true.

Laziest clump of cheese to workaholic tornado – In 3 months.

Earlier I had an epiphany in ballet class. To my (unexpressed) astonishment, I realized that taking a year to reach a goal that should have taken me a number of months at most taught me a few things.

Will go into detail sooner than later. I’m under-read for my age but I do know this without a doubt:

Later always means never.